GUARD AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE DURING ISOLATION.

When the honeymoon of being alone at home wears off, weeks of isolation will increase tension between spouses and family members.

How will you cope without going to work, without seeing your friends and neighbors, without de-stressing at your favorite restaurant? Income worries may already be adding an unpredictable layer to the new dystopia.

The rules have changed. The world is now a scary place. What’s your crisis plan?

It’s a known fact that violence against women increases during times of high anxiety and stress.

Experts warn of surges in the divorce rate during economic uncertainty. Domestic violence shelters are preparing for a swell in cases during this epidemic.

Don’t let it be you. Prepare for those tough days. It’s best to discuss with your partner how you’re going to handle the inevitable boredom and financial strain before things get out of control.

Cabin fever will hit and you may not recognize it when it does. Being stuck indoors during a snowstorm or thunderstorm can be fun for a few hours or days, but eventually one tires of reading, watching Netflix and playing board games. Pilates in the living room with YouTube isn’t the same as socializing with our gym friends.

The workplace was the mentally stimulating environment that also provided essential social connection with like-minded colleagues. While we once complained of information overload and too-tight schedules, we now look at those empty spaces on our calendar and search for anything to break the boredom.

When we feel restless, our body craves exercise and our mind craves excitement.

Our spouse and kids feel the same way. Conversations become difficult as we run out of things to talk about. Differences in perspectives become magnified. An innocent conversation turns into an argument. Tempers flare.

Kids react to the adults’ stress by whining and throwing temper tantrums. Dinner burns because you’re distracted by the screaming. Hubby yells. He’s frustrated, too.

One calls a time-out and everyone goes to their corner. Except…the dark corners make the isolation worse.

We know we need to calm down, but how does one do that when everyone in the household is climbing the walls?

We crave human connection. It’s part of our social identity. We also need stimulation.

There are three psychological reactions to stress: fight, flee, or freeze. When there’s no place to go, and we don’t want to fight, we look for an escape. At this point, we’ll do anything to break the boredom.

To attempt to lighten the mood, we reach for a bottle of wine or that twenty-year-old scotch we’ve been saving.

Alcohol is the great disinhibitor that has this awful side effect of encouraging us to say things we wouldn’t normally say or causes us to vent excessively. Under these conditions, alcohol triggers more stress. When used as a panacea, it tempts us to drink more. One of two destructive things can happen — we either drift into depression or become more agitated.

This is a danger zone. Depression is a form of painful paralysis that draws us into a deep valley further away from the very connection we crave. It sucks us into becoming more negative and darkens our soul. Alcohol and drugs can make it worse.

The recipe for the perfect storm of domestic violence happens when one partner is depressed, the other is agitated and mind altering substances are involved. Instead of seeking solutions, we get caught in the blame game and eventually someone strikes out with a punch.

Now it’s too late. You just mishandled cabin fever and somebody got hurt.

Except today, you’ve just read this article and are now educated in what can happen if you’re not prepared. I suggest talking to your spouse and come up with a battle plan. We are in a mental war and if we’re not careful, it will destroy our sanity and our relationships.

This epidemic will stretch our mental and physical capacities to the limit. Since we’ve never been here before, we don’t know how we will react in a few weeks or a few months from now. It’s best to have a crisis plan. Do you have one?

I’m one of the lucky few. I’m an empty-nest introvert with a home office and a fabulous kitchen where I play at creating food. I’ve lived through some harrowing times that have taxed every nerve in my body, and I write about life challenges based on my experience and knowledge.

Wisdom doesn’t come from reading a book, it comes from going through hard times and coming out the other side. Learn from life. It’s your best teacher.

Please comment on this post and let me know how you’re coping in this crazy, new reality.

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