How one book helped me learn how to read people

Social interactions with strangers used to make me really nervous. So much so that I was diagnosed with social anxiety by my therapist. I’d be at a loss for words, not even knowing how to strike up a conversation much less keep an interesting flow going long enough before the bored look would fly across their face signaling the end of the conversation is over.

In this book, she breaks down her way of approaching people through timed interactions. She gives you pointers on how to start a conversation in the first five minutes, then how to respond within the first five hours, and later the first five days.

I really like the way she included pointers for conversation starters giving you permission to use small talk as a branch towards big talk (for deeper conversation) something I really struggled with for a long time.

She uses the five appreciation languages (a.k.a love languages by Dr. Gary Chapman) to help you decipher the best way to show your gratitude towards your fellow locuteur. I recall coming across the appreciation languages back in high school and using them as a refresher for showing gratitude towards my loved ones according to their personality traits. This section was really helpful along with the OCEAN theory.

The OCEAN theory is another technique of deciphering the way you can respond to your loved ones and colleagues to get the best response out of them. I’m a “medium to low Open” kind of person willing to try new things and places under certain circumstances where I’m reluctant to step out of my comfort zone. Moreover, I am “medium to low conscientious person” in my approach to organization as I look for the big picture rather than small details. I am an ambivert to an introvert — open to socialization but I feel depleted after large social interactions. Small ones…

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