My Instant Pot and Air Fryer Did NOT Change My Life

This is bullshit.

A few years ago, a new cult formed. Not the kind where women pull their bangs up in clips and wear Little House on The Prairie dresses. This was worse: the Instant Pot Cult.

Did all your friends buy one on Black Friday? Did they get one at Christmas? You would know because their social media pages expressed the same joy as when they gave birth or found a twenty in an old jacket.

Photos of food ensued. So. Many. Photos. Chicken cooked in 5 minutes! Mac and cheese in 3 minutes! All in one pot you guys…it’s a fucking miracle!

I am a weak, weak human. On Black Friday, I bought one. My mistake was sending the link to my cult friends asking if it was a good price. Their gasps were audible through their texts (I think one even peed a little). I don’t remember how much I paid but their reactions seemed like I was getting Google stock for two bucks. How could I not buy it?

If you don’t have one, let me summarize this appliance. Imagine a massive round device with buttons on it, an equally massive metal bowl on the inside, and an industrial lid that is also a shield if you should face a nuclear blast.

Excited, I joined pressure cooker food groups on Facebook. Everyone posts such delicious-looking meals and how much their family enjoyed them. I made a few recipes and realized: this is the biggest fucking sham.

It doesn’t cook chicken in 5 minutes. It takes 30 minutes to build up pressure, 5 minutes to cook, and then another 5 minutes to release the pressure. So you know…the same time as an oven.

It doesn’t reduce the number of pots I use to cook things. The lid and metal pot barely fit in my dishwasher so I’m stuck washing them by hand, with the bonus of cursing the entire time.

The Instant Pot is an oversized paperweight.

Did I learn my lesson to not buy appliances with cult followings? I did not.

A year later, the appliance du jour is the air fryer. Who doesn’t want fried food minus the oil and calories? And always the promise of faster cooking time. Y’all are some busy motherfuckers.

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