October was a very good month

Random reflecting time because I figure that’s always a good thing to do, even better when it's over good things. :D

So October was a very good month for me personally. It was the first time in a while where I was able to go an entire month without letting my emotions and mental problems get the best of me. I did better than I have in the past about just shutting up whenever I’m having a bad day and avoiding saying anything that I knew I would 100% regret later.

Of course, I’m still human and I know I messed up a few times. Still said a few things that I shouldn’t have while having a bad day. I have always been someone who strives to own up to my mistakes once I realized I made them, using each one as another motivator to fight to improve and well get better.

Do I have bad days? Yes. Do I use them as an excuse to vent and do things that I know I shouldn’t, yeah? I admit it, and I probably will have future moments as well. I am a human. I can be dumb at times, but I want to be a better person.

I want to be better. And I want to keep fighting to improve and be a better person. With every mistake I make, I will strive to improve and make up for it later.

During the month of October, I just fought harder than I have in the past, going out of my way to get a venting journal, a small book where I can write down anything that I need to get out of my chest but should keep private rather than yelling them out for others to hear. People who might not want to listen to my angry or negative or thoughts that generally keep me in unhappy moods.

The book is something that is for my eyes only, a private place for me to go to when I just need to escape. When its best for me to avoid being around my friends because I don’t want them to witness me at my worst anymore than they already have.

Because I can’t say it enough. I really do want to improve and always strive to be a better person, and I will keep fighting to not say dumb shit when I’m super emotional. And instead of blaming myself and hiding away in guilt whenever I do mess up, I want to use every mistake to be something that I can maybe learn from. Another reminder that I’m still fighting, and that I need to keep pushing to get better.

Maybe that has always been my problem. I need to embrace every fuck up and learn from it.

I managed to make October a great month. One where I turned to my friends when I wanted to laugh and distract myself from my problems most of the time. Humor and laughing as always been a great way for me to deal with negative emotions and stress in general, so I’d rather turn to my friends to help me laugh when I’m having a bad day.

And when I do talk about having a bad day or whatever, I can do so more calmly.

This is just me, of course. But after going through most of October striving to avoid having as many emotional outbursts as possible, I learned a lot about what I want to do in the future. Learned ways that might help me improve as a person.

Thank you to all my friends who continue to stick by me, even if you have every right to ditch me whenever I allow my ugly side to reel up and take over. Your faith in me only helps to fuel me to continue fighting to become a better person, and I hope I can return the favor to you guys as well. ❤

Related posts:

This time last year I wrote a feature for Highsnobiety about two friends who had just launched a new app named BUMP, specifically dedicated to the streetwear and sneakers secondary market. In the…

Microservices and APIs often get mixed up and confused with one another, with the implication being that a microservice is an API. This isn’t the case at all, and the difference between these two…

There is much advice here on Medium on how to create an attention-grabbing headline whether through the magic of power words or piquing curiosity through brevity but I have found a magical…