One Size Fits None by Alexandra Ang

Without relationships, humanity would have never been able to cooperate and evolve from our caveman origins. Much has been said of the facts concerning relationships, but it is now time to examine the intricacies and implications of these singular connections that have come to sustain us and the human race. What then is in a relationship, whether platonic, romantic, or otherwise? Is it a connection based primarily on similarities, or a process that involves seeing past external attributes and embracing differences? With the general wave of inclusivity engulfing the world, the answer for a steadily growing number is the latter.

A typical relationship fifty years ago would mean interacting with a similar demographic for most of one’s life, getting married while buying a house at 25, and juggling three kids soon after. Today, that is no longer the template people are to adhere to. Different set-ups exist. To name some, there are open relationships, polyamorous relationships, LGBTQIA+ relationships, and interracial ones. As part of humanity’s constant search for ever-evolving ways to define ourselves, we have experimented with new ways of interacting with one another, some with great success.

Progress demands that we constantly redefine or even reject society’s ideals when they become unrepresentative of greater sentiments. The voices calling out discrimination, xenophobia, and homophobia overpower those who perpetuate harmful narratives. People today are more welcoming of non-conventional ideas of love and compassion while still reinforcing fundamentals such as consent and boundaries. Others can choose to label themselves as they please and give themselves power over their identities, or choose not to restrict themselves to titles.

Increasing racial and cultural diversity has skyrocketed even in the most unlikely places. Data from the 2018 U.S. Census Bureau estimates that non-Hispanic white residents make up less than half of the under-15 population. As older generations age, the focus has shifted to young people, with even those from more conservative countries like Japan sharing more inclusive views than ever before. A 2018 government survey commissioned by the Japanese National Institute of Population and Social Security Research showed that among those younger than 30, support for gay marriage reached 90%. In the Philippine setting, much action has been taken in person and online to correct misconceptions about discrimination and equality, the SOGIE (Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Expression) Bill being one such topic.

All this progress begs the question of where this all started.

It is impossible to pinpoint a single incident or factor, but to accurately paint a picture of the world we live in today, important global developments must be considered. Cross-cultural exchanges and an increased interconnectedness brought on by globalisation and technological developments help these relationships seem a lot less foreign. Young people travel more and develop close bonds with people of different faiths and ethnicities. People are more likely to understand unfamiliar things when they’re deeply linked to others. Relationships directly promote compassion. That’s one way of eliminating stigmas.

The Internet has also been a huge factor in redefining how we view personal connections. Aside from allowing for the instant spread of ideas related to inclusivity, it is also a platform for people to connect and share their stories across a wide spectrum. While this can be a double-edged sword by spreading hate against sexual and racial minorities, it has more importantly become a shared space for people to provide direct and poignant narratives. These can also help explain unfamiliar concepts about race or culture.

Online dating has ensured that deep connections have simply migrated to screens, while remaining possible and tangible. A 2017 study by Stanford researchers discovered that for heterosexual couples in the U.S., online methods have become the most popular way for couples to meet. Though a void still exists in the area of reliable queer dating apps, one app called OkCupid gives its users options to share their gender identities and sexualities as well as including information about queer-specific experiences such as coming out or transitioning. Other apps do not require specific sexuality labels. Regardless of which apps queer people choose, queer dating apps are exclusively designed for them and make them feel safer and like they belong. Online engagement has resulted in greater representation, and it is likewise a starting point for shedding light on sensitive topics.

Public spheres have also seen greater representation. These systemic changes have helped greatly, which has shifted the atmosphere and mindset of the general public towards taboo issues. As a case in point, same-sex marriage was legalized last May in Taiwan in an unprecendented first for Asia. Anti-discrimination laws enforced worldwide make it harder to discriminate on the basis of race or gender. In addition, grassroots movements have organized pride events in greater numbers than ever before.

Representation in media has also become more nuanced and complex. People are quick to call out tokenistic or stereotypical characters in film, for example. Even homegrown films such as Billie and Emma, a coming-of-age LGBT story that deals with topics such as Catholicism, have received considerable media coverage, interviews, and support online. Contemporary pop culture has nudged people to accept and even love the unknown.

The conversation has taken interesting twists towards sub topics, including greater questions about identity. Records from ancient Egypt and even stories from Philippine indigenous people have resurfaced, which show that gender in pre-colonial times was not as scrutinized and picked apart. The babaylan, for example, is an indigenous spiritual healer, shaman, and seer traditionally relegated to non-binary and gender queer people. Local blog FilipiKnow shares that in the pre-colonial era, the babaylan were second only to the Datu in prominence. Many babaylans led early revolts against the Spaniards. They inspired UP Babaylan, the first and largest LGBT

student organization in the Philippines. Recent attention has also shifted towards the true meaning of the bakla identity. According to an article by The Nib written by Trinidad Escobar, while bakla is commonly seen and has been used as a derogatory term, it is actually an umbrella identity that is beyond gay, lesbian, or transgender.

Discovering these symbols that are uniquely Pinoy help uplift and culturally unite Filipinos in ways that Western terms cannot. As we slowly move towards acceptance, this success can also be seen as a split from Westernized and whitewashed ideas of love and community. This wave of inclusivity could also be pushing us towards our own shores.

With all these large-scale changes, the implications of these for ordinary people must not be overlooked.

On an individual level, people have greater freedom to pursue self-actualization by coming out, attending pride parades and/or marrying their partners. Even those who are not directly oppressed can become part of the conversation as allies. It is amazing and heart-warming to see real, raw, souls free to say that truly, love is love. One such example is the viral story of a Hindu-Muslim couple. Anjali Chakra from India and Sundas Malik from Pakistan went viral for their wedding pictures and story. Though their two countries have fought bitter battles, they have owned their love story and triumphed over centuries of conflict. Another viral story of two five-year-old boys from Kentucky warmed netizens’ hearts when Jax, a Caucasian boy, wanted to get a haircut similar to that of his African-American friend Reddy so they could make their teacher think they were identical. These success stories serve as inspiration for marginalized people that these possibilities can one day be achieved.

There are also great challenges. Not everyone is lucky. It would be ignorance to disregard the great challenges that come with progress. Increased crackdowns and political polarization happen even in more developed countries. The newness of these ideas could be leading to this erosion.

However, it is too soon to call all of this a failure. This progress is real, and has helped improve the lives of the most vulnerable. With time and greater social diversity, hopefully more will understand the importance of inclusion.

Will increased racial, gender, and cultural mixing permanently redefine how we imagine our identities? Recent developments suggest we’re getting more comfortable with the idea, or perhaps we care less about divides and outdated ideas. Either would be a step in the right direction in teaching humanity to overcome hate. Hopefully, our world can soon see prejudice become a fossil of gone days.

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